Why I Was a Crappy Sunday School Teacher

Before I begin, I will pause briefly to allow you to finish laughing hysterically at the thought of me even attempting to teach Sunday School.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

OK, I'm starting now, whether you're done laughing or not! So last year, our wonderful church needed Planet Faith (Sunday School) teachers and I raised my hand to volunteer. I was looking to give back to the community and I saw this as a need that I could help address. My only requirement was that I wouldn't teach a class that my own kids were in, because it would create too much of a disruption. I was assigned to teach a co-ed first grade class (my first-grade daughter was actually in the second grade class, not due to any religious "gifted" traits but because they signed her up for the wrong group).

Of course, I was not prepared to teach a class of up to 17 six and seven year olds, even though the curriculum was provided by the church. My problem was with crowd control and not knowing how to communicate expectations and boundaries. Some of the students seemed intent on creating disruptions in the class, and I didn't really know how to handle it in an effective way. I often wondered if someone had taped a "disrespect me" sign to my back when I wasn't looking. Memorable classroom moments included a boy standing a pencil (or maybe it was a glue stick) straight up and saying "THIS IS YOUR PENIS" (I sternly informed the student that we should not use that word in my class, although I wanted to laugh), a student coloring all over another student's arm with marker while I wasn't watching, and a parent who came to pick up her son who had run off and was trying to grab exposed power cords hanging down from a hole in the ceiling tiles. I think my students would have learned more about religion by viewing a couple of episodes of "Veggie Tales" than they did under my watch, or lack thereof! These kids deserved a better instructor, so I did everyone a favor by finishing out the year and not signing up to teach again. Also, if that student comes up to me again and says "this is your penis," now I have permission to laugh.