April Fools' Day Eve

It's April Fools' Day tomorrow and I can't think of any good jokes. I've already used "I'm pregnant," "someone hit the car in the parking garage" and "I'm getting a boob job." I'm feeling really unoriginal and uncreative right now. Must keep thinking...

100 Posts

My blog now has 100 posts! OK, actually this is now the 101st post - when I logged on just now I saw that I was at 100. Whatever! I have posted every day in 2011 as part of my New Year's Resolution, and there are a handful of entries sitting out there from 2010 which brings it to 100. Tomorrow will be the three month mark of my daily blog musings. There are many more "fluff" entries than I hoped for ("I'm tired," "I'm too busy," "I don't have anything to talk about," etc.), but life does seem to get in the way sometimes. Overall, I think it's been a worthwhile endeavor so far.

Work = Torture

I have to work tonight! I worked last night too. I don't have time to wipe my ass, let alone blog. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Today's Post

I posted over at Open Salon again today. Peace out!!

#2 IS Good Enough... For Me!

I found out I got #2 in my age group at today's triathlon! I can't believe it!! I'm not all that fast at all, so apparently nobody my age who IS fast showed up for the race. Not that I blame them... it was actually SNOWING at the beginning of the race and I was not too thrilled about it! I guess it was worth it to show up. :)

Tri Tomorrow!!

Cole and I are doing a mini triathlon tomorrow and it's supposed to snow... Awesome...they will still have it but there is a potential that the bike portion will be cancelled for safety reasons. So, we shall see. I'm hoping the entire event goes on as planned!

International Woman of Mystery

Tonight the girls and I attended the 3rd Annual International Festival at their elementary school. As always, the food was amazing, the exhibits were very well-done (except for Greece-I wonder whose that was... Haha!) and the performances were outstanding. It's wonderful that the kids' school has so many volunteers who sacrifice hours of their personal time to create such an awesome experience for the children. Plus, I didn't have to make dinner. It's a win-win for the whole family!!

Boring

Nothing to talk about. Again! I think this is a sign that I need to get a life.

Second Grade Play - Too Cute!

This evening we saw the second grade at Liberty ES perform their musical called "Nuts!" I must admit, I thought it would be stupid. A play about nuts? Really? It was actually really cute, and I'm sure my opinion has NOTHING to do with the fact that my child was in it. The play was about plants and animals and the music was pretty good. The choreography was really nice, and the set looked awesome. I give it two thumbs up!!

Duhhhhh

I don't really have anything to talk about today. Sorry to disappoint - if you're actually disappointed, that is. I'm guessing you aren't. :)

Posted on Open Salon Today

I did my daily blog entry over at my other regular hangout (Open Salon). One of the other bloggers there had published a book that was recommended in Entertainment Weekly, so I decided to write an entry about that. :)

Spring Has Sprung!

Today is the first day of Spring! Yay! Following the hallowed weather traditions of the Washington, DC area, we will still have chilly weather for a few more weeks, and then we will suddenly find ourselves living in Dante's Inferno. For now, I will be happy that the ice cold temperatures should finally be gone until next Winter. Thank goodness!! I love Spring!

Personal Best!

I ran a 5k race today and beat my previous personal best time of 26.52 with a new record of 25.05! I didn't think it was possible for me to run that fast. I wonder if there was something wrong with the timing system or the race course itself, but I'll just go ahead and say that my published finish time is legitimate. Maybe I should stop running now, as I'll never be able to beat 25.05! :)

Sleepover!

There is a sleepover going on at our house. I want to go to bed but I feel like I can't go to sleep until the kids are all asleep. I'm screwed. lol!

Carbing Up

One of the best reasons to run races is the "carbing up" that needs to take place beforehand. Mmmmmm... Carbs. And it really works!! I'm running my first 5k of the season on Saturday and tomorrow I am going to stuff myself with bread, pasta rice, and everything else. It's just a 5k... But I need to do everything I can to properly prepare ;)

Brain Farts While Writing

I was going to post something on my Open Salon blog and cross-post it here, but quite frankly, I don't think my writing is very good this time. Plus, the picture upload thingy is taking forever and I'm too impatient to sit there and wait for it to feel like attaching my pictures. I'm going to bed. Good night!

Q1 almost over??

You know you are an accountant when you think of your life in terms of "quarters." Soon it will be April - and Q111 will be over, never to be seen again. Where has the time gone? Only old people are supposed to say things like "where has the time gone," but that's how I feel.

5th grade homework... WTF

I would like to know why my 10 year old is learning stuff I didn't learn until I was in high school! Not that this is a bad thing, but I find it a little odd. Right now they are learning about the periodic table of the elements. I didn't learn the periodic table until I was 16. What will they be learning when THEY are 16, quantum physics??

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT!!!

... for about 20 days. See, that's about how long it took after conception for me to notice that "Aunt Gertrude" was not showing up for her usual monthly visit, so I decided to pee on a stick to confirm my suspicions. I had not been planning to get pregnant, but I was somehow able to put two and two together.

Have you ever seen that show called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"? The women featured on this series (not a documentary but an actual SERIES with numerous episodes) don't realize they have a child in their womb until the kid is COMING OUT. One mother gave birth in the restroom at an amusement park. Another was screaming bloody murder with "terrible abdominal pain" on the bow of her husband's boat while her husband peacefully slumbered inside the boat. She will have fun trying to get him to help out with the night feedings! More than one episode featured a "constipated" woman who finally managed to "pass a large bowel movement" on the toilet, only to find that she was stuck to the toilet seat by the umbilical cord of said "bowel movement." Some of the women on the show have never had children before, and others are veteran mothers. Having gone through two pregnancies myself, I can't get over the fact that someone can grow another human being in their uterus for nine months without noticing any symptoms at all. Below is a helpful list I have constructed for any of you readers who might need a refresher in this area, because I certainly don't want to see any of you featured on that program!

1) Pregnancy causes menstruation to cease. As you probably learned back in elementary school, your period is the result of your uterine lining being discharged if there is not a fertilized egg setting up shop in your womb. Apparently, some women still continue to bleed or spot during pregnancy. Also, some older women may believe that they are entering menopause. This makes sense in and of itself, but what about #2 below...

...2) Pregnancy makes you look like a bus. Apparently, some women "gain a few pounds" but do not really look very large. I, on the other hand, looked like Kate Gosselin despite the fact that I was only carrying one (1) fetus at a time. It's a good thing my ovaries don't release multiple eggs and the embryos didn't decide to divide, or my stomach might have actually exploded. Not that most women would look like me when pregnant (luckily for them), but I think the majority of women would not be able to ignore their large bellies for the duration of a pregnancy. And for those women who don't get huge - I hate you.

3) Pregnancy causes you to toss your cookies. Of course, that isn't true for everyone, but I think it's safe to say that most women at least get nauseated every once in a while. If you are barfing or feel like barfing on a daily basis, you best be heading to Target or Walgreen's for a pregnancy test.

4) The baby moves inside you! Most of the women on the show report not feeling any fetal movement. Luckily for them, they have apparently not experienced their unborn child playing Bladder Soccer. Maybe if the woman is not large in the stomach, the baby doesn't move much because there isn't any space. At any rate, if it feels like someone is kicking you in the bladder from inside your body, you may be pregnant!

5) Pregnancy causes many other fun symptoms. These include bizarre food cravings and aversions (I once threw up because a cheese commercial came on TV), fatigue, oversensitivity to tastes and/or smells (it seriously tasted like someone took a dump in my mouth for 9 months with both of my kids), back pain, etc. Some of these could potentially be caused by other circumstances, causing a woman not to realize that she is pregnant. But wouldn't she start looking like a bus at some point?

So there you have it. If you are currently experiencing any of the above situations and you haven't had a pregnancy test, for God's sake, get the heck off of my blog and run to Target or Walgreen's this instant! I don't want you giving birth in front of your computer.

Suburban Tightwad - Why I Refuse to Get a Cleaning Lady

Who needs the gym when you can get buff in your own house by manually scrubbing each carpeted stair with Resolve until you feel your biceps burning? Hey, I could pay someone to do that, but I don't. My family and I live in what is supposedly the wealthiest county in America, and there seems to be plenty of disposable income being disposed of around here despite the current recession. Whenever I attend our neighborhood's monthly Bunco games (another suburban tale in and of itself), the discussion inevitably turns to What Everyone Thinks Of Their Housekeeper. Everyone except me, that is, because I'm pretty much the only chick in the hood who does not employ a cleaning lady. Here's why:

1) It is my duty to accept and respect the DNA passed on by my Cheap Ancestors. From my grandmother who saved empty Stoneyfield Farm yogurt containers and Cut-Rite wax paper bags ca. 1960 to my father who wanted to know why I couldn't just record songs off the radio instead of me asking him to buy expensive cassette tapes, my lineage is rife with tightwad genes. Hiring someone to clean my house would be a bastardization of this important legacy, although my yogurt-container-saving grandmother actually did hire someone to help her with household tasks when she was taking care of her disabled husband. Unless somebody in the house is rendered an invalid, I can't see paying someone to help me with menial tasks I can do handle on my own.

2) If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Yeah, I'm a cheap and stubborn beyotch. I bet I can clean my house just as well, or better, than those housekeeping ladies. It's just that I don't have time and I don't really care, so my house looks like shit. Oh well.

3) I don't want my kids thinking you can hire someone to do everything for you. Why would I want them to think you should pay someone when they already have two indentured servants (myself and my husband) to cater to their every need? Ha ha. But seriously - my kids need to learn to clean their own bathroom, use a vacuum, pick up after themselves, do laundry, etc. My 10 year old and 8 year old know how to clean toilets and sinks. My 10 year old vacuums and my 8 year old dusts. The 10 year old does the wash. Beat that!

4) Life is messy. Embrace the disaster. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is a house and people live here. Therefore, messes will be made. That's just the way it is. Once I spent a weekend cleaning the house before one of my kids had a friend over, because the place was such a complete wreck that I thought the friend's mother would summon the Health Department to condemn the entire property. OK, I'm being sarcastic, but it was pretty bad. Hey, my husband was gone in Afghanistan, I was working full time and taking care of a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Of course the house was going to be a dump. I had no time or desire to clean and the kids were too little to really help out. At least I had a good excuse, and the Health Department never did show up. All's well that ends well!

5) Dirt is good for your immune system. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! My family rarely gets sick (I'm knocking on wood right now, ha ha). I would like to think the dusty environment has something to do with that fact.

6) I would like to have enough money to send our kids to college without going into debt and I want to retire at a decent age. Let's say a cleaning lady is $100 every two weeks. That's being conservative because our house is a pretty nice size. That's $2,400/year! Plus, aren't you supposed to tip them and give them Christmas presents and stuff? Sorry, but I'd rather save my money or go on vacation.

And that, dear friends, is why I have never had a cleaning lady. The floors in our house might not sparkle, but I don't mind. I think we're doing just fine. :)

I'm Sorry...But How Can There Be A Show Called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant?"

I have seen this show numerous times and I still can't believe that A) the show even exists and B) there are enough women who didn't know they were pregnant to make an actual regular series out of it. When I was pregnant, I looked like Kate Gosselin despite only having one fetus in my womb. I also had the pukes and it tasted like someone took a dump in my mouth for nine months. Oh yeah, and I stopped getting my period. How can someone not know they are pregnant?? Maybe I'm just jealous. :)

Phew... I STINK!!!

That's what my mom used to say when she came in from mowing the lawn. Except she would raise her arm all the way up in the air, take a loud whiff and THEN say "phew... I STINK!!!!" Well, today I ran 6 miles on the treadmill and afterwards I had a huge urge to announce to the entire gym that I STINK, a la my mom. I sure did feel smelly, even the back of my head sweated onto my ponytail! Gross!! Warm weather is coming so I guess I had better just get used to it....

Watching TV

I don't really get to watch much TV. I've never seen American Idol, The Office, Sex and the City, Lost, Dancing With the Stars or any of that other popular stuff. However, right now I'm watching SVU. I do need my Law and Order fix. :)

Editor's Pick - OMG!!!!

The piece I wrote yesterday on my other blog at Open Salon was chosen as an Editor's Pick and has been on the front page of Open Salon ALL DAY. More than 500 people have read the piece so far. I can't believe it!! I am beyond thrilled. Maybe someday I really will write that book I keep talking about :)

Cross-Post

Today I posted a lengthy diatribe on one of my other blogs. I'm not going to link to it here because frankly, anyone who reads it will probably think I'm a complete freak. That's all for today :)

Swimming Makes Me Pee and Puts Me To Sleep Too

As usual, I was going to write something of substance on here today but got side-tracked again. Today the whole fam hit the gym - Cole and I worked out while the kids went to the child care center. Afterward, we all went to the indoor pool. We had been meaning to go to the pool for a couple of weeks now but it just never happened. Swimming in the winter is a great way to reconnect with the family, especially your kids! It's also a good way to stay physically active since you don't get outside as much. For some reason, swimming makes me pee a lot, and it also makes me tired. At least in the summer you can blame your sleepiness on the sun. What is the deal with being tired from swimming in the winter? Maybe I'm allergic to chlorine....

Caves Are Phallic... and Other Field Trip Musings

On Wednesday I chaperoned Nicole's 5th grade class field trip to Skyline Caverns in Front Royal, Virginia. Nicole and I had both been inside caverns before, but not Skyline specifically. I was assigned to a group of six 5th graders (including Nicole). A school bus was the method of transportation used to shuttle everyone to and from the caverns, which are about an hour away from the school. One thing I noticed was that the minute the kids were all seated on the bus, the electronic devices immediately came flying out (MP4 players, Nintendo DS, etc). Therefore, I didn't feel guilty about whipping out my phone and surfing the web. Sweet! Despite the technological savvy possessed by these kids, they genuinely seemed awestruck by the natural beauty of the caverns, especially the anthocites on the ceiling near the end of our tour. Anthocites are a type of rock or crystal formation that are only known to exist in three caverns in the entire world. Another thing I've noticed about caverns in general is that the stalagmites tend to have a very phallic look to them, and Skyline Caverns were no exception. :). These caverns even had some vaginal-looking holes in the ceiling, and I certainly hope the kids didn't notice me snickering and taking pictures of the various Beavis-and-Butthead inspired rock formations. After the tour, we had lunch and went through a fun mirror maze before heading back to the school. I'm really glad I took this time off of work to chaperone the field trip. Kids this age are really fun to be with. :)

I Like To Move It, Move It!!

OK, at least I like it after I'm done! Today I ran 6 miles at the gym. My pace wasn't that fast (10 MPH) and I stunk to high heaven afterwards, but it was an awesome feeling to have actually finished. I haven't run that far in forever. I've just been too busy and not motivated enough to make myself run that far on top of everything else going on. But with race season just around the corner, I figure I'd better whip my butt into shape so I don't have embarrassing times posted on the internet for the world to see. I guess I could always sign up for races under a pseudonym, but that's just silly. :) For now, I'm content that I actually did the 6 miles, and I'm actually feeling pretty confident about race season now. Bring it on!!

Oh No! I've Been Sucked In By A Book!!!

The other day my kids' elementary school had a book fair. I decided to purchase a "grown-up" book for myself, which I usually never do because I don't really have time to read. Plus, once I start a book, I can't put it down and end up reading until 4 AM. This book, "Winter Garden" by Kristin Hannah, is awesome so far and as usual, I was only going to read "a little bit" but I am now being held hostage. I almost forgot to do my blog entry!! Must.... keep.... reading.... lol.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I was going to write about today's field trip adventure, but the allure of sleep is more than I can resist. Good night!!

Field Trip!

Tomorrow I am chaperoning Nicole's 5th grade class on a field trip to some cavern. I forgot the name of it. I'm such an awesome parent! As long as the bus knows how the hell to get there and they don't have any rabid bats, I don't care. It should be a fun trip and I'm excited about it! This might be Nicole's last school field trip because I don't know if they do that kind of thing in middle school. I'll do a blog post tomorrow about our adventures. :)