I Made It A Whole Month!!!

Well, it's January 31 and I'm 1/12 of the way through my 2011 resolution of posting to this blog every day of the year. One of these days I am going to forget to post something and ruin the whole year!!!! I wanted to write something more interesting today. I have some ideas brewing in my head, but of couse I didn't have time to execute them. Oh well, I've still got 334 days left! :)

You Know You Got Married in 1999 When....

1) Your gift registry contained a George Foreman Grill and/or a bread machine.
2) Your wedding bands are made of yellow gold.
3) Your wedding video is on a VHS tape.
4) The department store at which you registered has either gone out of business or has been purchased by a Larger Department Store.
5) That stupid Prince song was played at your reception.
6) Your "save the date" communications consisted of getting the old people to call around and inform the other guests.
7) The upper part of your wedding dress looked like a wife beater shirt.
8) "Destination Weddings" were only performed in Vegas. Your venue choices were Church A, Church B, and Church C, all within a 25-mile radius.
9) You only accessed weddingchannel.com or theknot.com at work because your dial-up connection at home was too slow.
10) Your bouquet and those of the bridesmaids were fastened with a plastic nosegay!

What Will Your Obituary Say? Besides The Fact That You Kicked The Bucket

OK, so I'm morbid. Sometimes when I read the obituary of a highly accomplished person, I wonder what mine will end up saying. Right now, it would probably say something like "mother, wife, accountant." Ick... really? People actually cut these things out and save them in scrapbooks. Do I really want someone saving that boring drivel and passing it down from generation to generation? I was hoping to have more of an impact - not that I want to have a famous person's sort of obituary (although being famous might not be so bad), but I would like to have something a little more exciting for people to read about. Philanthropist, volunteer, author or even Grandma would be more interesting. Guess I'd better start planning some exciting stuff and making sure I don't croak before I'm 80 so I can accomplish it all! :)

Two Homes Destroyed by Fire in South Riding

Yesterday, a house fire claimed two homes in our neighborhood. Fortunately, nobody was injured, but the houses are a complete loss. Each of the impacted families has a child in the elementary school that my children attend. The school and the community at large are coming together to provide support to these families who have lost everything they own. No amount of insurance money can replace the memories that were destroyed in the fire, but certainly we can do what we can to help in the recovery process. You can read more about the fire here.

Thundersnow!!

Have you ever heard thunder during a snowstorm? Neither had I, until yesterday. Last year's Snowpocalypse is old news. Welcome THUNDERSNOW, the latest catchphrase of 2011. Yesterday's weather event began with falling ice particles that resembled the contents of a jack-knifed tractor trailer containing billions of Swarovski crystals en route to a Michael's craft store. Not that I've ever seen this type of traffic accident, but I suppose that is what it might look like. Dense, heavy snow followed, which tumbled out of the sky almost like rain. And then lightning followed by a deafening clap of thunder! WTH?? I am not sure we will ever see anything as bizarre as Thundersnow again.

I'm Tired

Enough said!! I'm going to bed early! Zzzzzzzzzz

Why Do I Even Click On These Things???

Click here for today's PSA from the Nipple Nazis!! Formula is apparently such a terrible-sounding choice that a Facebook group has been established to share breast milk with other moms. Hey, if you want to share your breast milk with other moms who would like to use it, great! It's not the concept I have a problem with, it's the attitude that makes moms feel as though they need to go to these extremes. As any new mom knows, you have enough to worry about and figure out than to have to deal with this type of unfounded guilt.

Here is an excerpt from the article:

"...the Internet has been abuzz with parents (aptly nicknamed "lactivists") just dying for a chance to share their opinion on the subject.

"If you make a choice to formula feed out of convenience, then you do not deserve to have kids!" said one poster.

"Every baby deserves human milk," said another.

Needless to say, new moms are feeling squeezed.

"If we formula feed, we feel we are giving our amazing children 'second best' or handicapping them for life," said one mother who admitted to sobbing in the shower from shame and guilt when she gave up breast-feeding."

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Enough said. Nipple Nazis, be gone!!

Whew!!!

So I fell asleep on the sofa at 8:30 PM and didn't wake up until 11 PM. My 10 year old was massaging my back (I should make it a required chore from now on) and I was tired anyway, so I passed out. I woke up and thought, OH NO!! My daily blog entry!! Plus I have some other stuff i need to do tonight so I'll just have some coffee (yes, you heard me) and burn the midnight oil. My mom and I are probably the only people on the planet who can drink caffeinated coffee at night without experiencing sleeping issues. Besides, I have the day off tomorrow. The kids have a teacher workday at school so we're going swimming at the indoor pool in our gym. Yay!! Sorry this post wasn't too exciting, but I'm on a time crunch now :)

10 Ways to Tell Your Coworkers Aren't Parents (Working Mom Edition)

1) You return from maternity leave and someone at work asks you how your "vacation" was.
2) Complaints are heard regarding the fact that working parents get too many perks, such as "getting to leave on time every day."
3) Coworker wonders why someone would need to utilize the services of a nanny or babysitter while working from home with an infant or toddler in the house.
4) He/she thinks that staying home from work to take care of a sick child is the same thing as a day off.
5) While hugely pregnant, you are asked, "Well, you were going to work during your maternity leave, weren't you?"
6) Derisive comments are made regarding minivans.
7) Colleague says your upcoming maternity leave sounds "so relaxing."
8) He/she hates "Take Your Child To Work Day."
9) Coworker asks you to do something half an hour before the daycare/after-school care is going to close and does not seem too pleased when you say you need to leave.
10) He/she wants to know why you will not send your sick child to daycare or school.

Some People Who Post Comments on the Internet Need to Calm Down. Really.

Wow, wow and double wow!!! First, I read this article about a mother who can't get her daughter to eat anything but a few items, which are not very healthy. I really felt sorry for this mom because I have some of the same problems with my kids, although the issues are not nearly as severe as those mentioned in the piece. My older daughter will not touch any cheese except for parmesan (NO idea where she gets that from), hates butter (as do I) and is very picky in general. My younger daughter will eat cheese but whines and complains when asked to eat any vegetable except salad. When they were younger and my husband was deployed in Afghanistan, I let them eat pasta with sprinkle (parmesan) cheese and fruit every night for dinner, because I knew they would eat it and they both liked it. Sometimes you have to choose your battles, as every parent knows. But what happens when the battle is as extreme as it is for this family? I have no doubt that this child has some kind of sensory processing problem and/or issues with extreme anxiety in general. However, many of the trolls (oops, did I say that?) who posted comments on the article did not feel much sympathy and generally directed their venom straight at the mother. Where baby daddy at??? Just kidding. Notable comments included "are you serious? get a job and quit screwing up your child....she is using it as a means of manipulation....I am so sick of mothers without parenting skills," "That little brat needs to eat what her mother cooks! What a little bratty nuisance!! She needs to have her butt spanked! Snotty-nosed, self-indulged, smart-mouthed BRAT!!! Let ME babysit that BRAT!!!!" and "Don't people know how to raise children any more? Sit at the dinner table, put down the food, the kid will eat it or not, don't give her anything else to eat and after a little while she will eat it. They must be liberals." These people need to get a life and stop judging!! Sorry to cut this short, but I'm late for date night. :)

PPD Does Not Discriminate

My jaw practically fell to the floor today when I read that Florence Henderson (aka Mrs. Brady) had suffered from postpartum depression. Oh NO! Not FLO! Not CAROL BRADY!! Duh, so Carol Brady doesn't really exist, but still. To me, this is a prime example that moms who get PPD aren't always the ones you might "expect" to hear about. Unfortunately, "nature's cruelest joke" doesn't discriminate. Florence Henderson is publishing a memoir later this year that will include a discussion of her PPD, and I am definitely looking forward to what she has to say.

Basic Human Decency Seems to Elude Some of Us.

I'm not going to clarify what I mean on this blog, but something totally disgusted me at work today. I am starting to wonder what is wrong with people. That is all.

Karma

Tonight I received karma in the form of my kids being embarrassing (acting like three year olds) in public. I know I did the same thing to my mother, so I supposed I had it coming. Why can't kids just follow directions???? Aughghgghhghh so frustrating!!!

Why I Am Going To Make My Kids Watch "Intervention"

OK, first of all - right now my kids are 10 and 8 and there is NO FREAKING WAY I will have them watch this show anytime soon.

That said...

Intervention has got to be one of the most delicious train wrecks on TV. Intervention marathons are the best, because every episode somehow manages to be even more appalling than the one before it. If you haven't seen it, here's the Cliffs Notes version. Intervention is a reality show that profiles one or two people with addictive behavior (generally alcoholics and drug addicts). About half-way through the episode, a professional interventionist comes in and tells the person to hit rehab or suffer the consequences. When I say the show profiles people with addictive behavior, I mean it profiles them in a no-holds-barred manner. Addicts are shown shooting up/snorting on screen, heading out to prostitute themselves to get more money to fund their addictions, dealing drugs out of their parents' homes, conducting Jerry Springer-esque arguments with family members while under the influence of whatever, and so on and so forth. Often viewers will witness one of the show's "stars" (for lack of a better term) falling asleep in mid-sentence, falling over, sitting there with his/her tongue hanging out and eyes rolled back, and other unpleasant, embarrassing behavior. More often than not, the addict does not recognize that he or she has a problem.

Why in the world would I make my kids watch this show? Someday when I think they are old enough, I will sit down with them and have them watch a few episodes with me to show them that this is what alcohol and drugs can do to a person. THIS is why adults tell you to not even come near these substances. We aren't just talking out of our ass and making shit up. We don't want to see our kids end up like these people, because we love our kids. None of the parents featured on this program wanted their offspring to be one of the main characters on an episode of Intervention, guaranteed. I was a goody two-shoes who didn't drink, smoke or try drugs - why would my kids want to listen to my out-of-touch, nerdy ramblings? Cue the TV. My hope is that these addicts can actually teach people a thing or two, starting with my kids. Do they want to end up like the people on this show? I'm guessing they probably don't. And all they have to do is say NO.

Why I Was a Crappy Sunday School Teacher

Before I begin, I will pause briefly to allow you to finish laughing hysterically at the thought of me even attempting to teach Sunday School.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

OK, I'm starting now, whether you're done laughing or not! So last year, our wonderful church needed Planet Faith (Sunday School) teachers and I raised my hand to volunteer. I was looking to give back to the community and I saw this as a need that I could help address. My only requirement was that I wouldn't teach a class that my own kids were in, because it would create too much of a disruption. I was assigned to teach a co-ed first grade class (my first-grade daughter was actually in the second grade class, not due to any religious "gifted" traits but because they signed her up for the wrong group).

Of course, I was not prepared to teach a class of up to 17 six and seven year olds, even though the curriculum was provided by the church. My problem was with crowd control and not knowing how to communicate expectations and boundaries. Some of the students seemed intent on creating disruptions in the class, and I didn't really know how to handle it in an effective way. I often wondered if someone had taped a "disrespect me" sign to my back when I wasn't looking. Memorable classroom moments included a boy standing a pencil (or maybe it was a glue stick) straight up and saying "THIS IS YOUR PENIS" (I sternly informed the student that we should not use that word in my class, although I wanted to laugh), a student coloring all over another student's arm with marker while I wasn't watching, and a parent who came to pick up her son who had run off and was trying to grab exposed power cords hanging down from a hole in the ceiling tiles. I think my students would have learned more about religion by viewing a couple of episodes of "Veggie Tales" than they did under my watch, or lack thereof! These kids deserved a better instructor, so I did everyone a favor by finishing out the year and not signing up to teach again. Also, if that student comes up to me again and says "this is your penis," now I have permission to laugh.

Too Much Free Time is Confusing

So my kids slept over at their friends' houses on Friday and Saturday nights, and now they are at my parents' house and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon! I must say I don't know what to do with myself. Cole and I went out to dinner two nights in a row at adult restaurants, we went to the gym together, and now the house is dead silent. Bizarre, I tell you....

"Well, She Isn't Taking Anything for it, is She?" And Other Things Not to Say To/About Someone With Postpartum Mood Disorders

This post is not meant to be snarky, although it might sound that way.

1) See the title of this post. Someone actually said that to my mother about me when this person found out I was having some problems. This person is not a believer in medicine (obviously) but come on. "What can I do to help?", "I remember how difficult it is to be a first-time mother" or even a flaccid catch-all remark such as "Oh, really?" would be preferable.

2) "You should go shopping." Shopping can be substituted with a variety of rejuvenating activities such as "...take some time for yourself," "...relax" or "...get out of the house for a while." These pick-me-ups won't help a suffering mother, guaranteed.

3) "You really need to calm down." This one is courtesy of a doctor in the pediatric practice that we use! I saw her the other day at my kids' 10 and 8 year old checkups and wondered if she remembered me or if she was still saying that to moms. It's not that we don't want to be calm, it's that we are unable to think logically at the moment. It would be great if a doctor (or anyone) telling us to calm down actually worked, but unfortunately, it doesn't. It also makes the mother feel like an idiot, and she already feels bad enough.

Click here for another great list of what not to say!

It's 8:15 AM on Friday and I'm at Home in my PJs!!!!!

A day off... ahhhhhh!! A silent house is like crack. I guess. I've never actually tried crack so I don't really know what I'm talking about. Anyways - this article just about made me fall out of my chair. Hilarious!! Who the heck programmed the robocall to go out at 4:30 AM? Obviously an error, but come on, people. Pay attention to what you are doing! I feel for this guy, he will be getting school robocalls for the next 18 years (and that's if he stops having kids!). I perused the comments on the Washington Post website - most posters thought the guy had a very creative and hysterical method of getting his message across, but some others were effectively calling him a immature douche. OK, so it wasn't the most grown-up way for him to communicate his dissatisfaction with the early-morning call, but sometimes one has to use drastic measures to make oneself heard. I think other school systems will pay more attention when they program their school delay/closing robocalls in the future. And just for the record, I love getting weather-related school robocalls - at normal hours!

4 Day Weekend - WOOT

I took the day off tomorrow and MLK Day is on Monday, so I have a 4-day weekend!!!! Unfortunately, I have to spend the day tomorrow taking down all the Christmas stuff. However, it's still better than going to work!! Hopefully I will also be able to veg and maybe even get some TV watching in. :) I think the 4 of us will be hitting the Spy Museum on Monday, it's supposed to be super fun. My mom is also going to take the girls to a movie and have them spend the night so that Cole and I can have some adult time. I can't wait!! :)

What the Hell Just Happened??

OK, I know I've been awake and doing stuff today since 8:00 AM (I got to sleep in due to a 2-hour school delay - woot!!), but I feel like the day just flew by without me accomplishing much of anything!! I guess this is what happens when you are too busy. I should be used to it by now, but apparently I'm not! I feel like I'm not spending enough quality time with the kids either. BUT - a 3-day weekend is coming up and we will make sure to do something fun together. Maybe we will hit the Spy Museum. A family day out - now that's accomplishing something!

Preggo Office Gurls

OK, so I had to work all weekend and I have been up until 2 AM at least twice (I've lost count) in the last two weeks WORKING. I needed a break so I wrote this song. There are a lot of pregnant women and new moms on maternity leave here in the office, so I was inspired to do a parody. Here goes!

--------------------------------------

"Preggo Office Gurls"
(sing to "California Gurls" by Katy Perry - Snoop Dogg version)

greetings, pregnant ones!
let's take a journey.

i know a place where all my peeps are at the OB
dark, empty cubes - there must be something in the water
they sip ginger ale as they walk around the building
(they're back)
we all break the bank having all these baby showers
(for them)

you can go to the bathroom
but somebody will be in there throwing up
and if you don't look out
soon you'll be throwing up too

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

preggo office gurls they're unforgettable
maternity jeans, big bellies on top
watch out, if they're starved they'll eat your popsicle

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

preggo office gurls they're undeniable
EPT, they've got it on lock
if you're preggers, represent, now put your hands up

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

sex with your spouse?
you'd better take every precaution
don't freak in your jeep
you best be keeping all your clothes on

you can go to the bathroom
but somebody will be in there throwing up
and if you don't look out
soon you'll be throwing up too

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

preggo office gurls they're unforgettable
maternity jeans, big bellies on top
watch out, if they're starved they'll eat your popsicle

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

preggo office gurls they're undeniable
EPT, they've got it on lock
if you're preggers, represent, now put your hands up

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

---rap sequence--

9 long months, you bet she's ready
call the doctor cause she's getting heavy
pickles, ice cream, corned beef on toast
these are the gurls who eat the most
you must be having two, you sure it's just one?
stupid comments aren't much fun
she's gonna freak
with a sonogram she can take a peek
at the boy or girl
if i get pregnant i'm gonna hurl
hospital, home birth or in the car,
labor doesn't care where you are!
office gurls hanging out
their preggo bellies hanging out
sprite and ginger ale but no martinis
only fully cooked oscar meyer weenies
hey knocked up ladies
(yeah)
are you having a baby?
(uh huh)
i'm staying away from you
or i just might end up pregnant too!

preggo office gurls they're unforgettable
maternity jeans, big bellies on top
watch out, if they're starved they'll eat your popsicle

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

preggo office gurls they're undeniable
EPT, they've got it on lock
if you're preggers, represent, now put your hands up

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Working on Something

I'm working on something funny to post here, but I'm not done. Plus, I have a ton of work and PTA stuff to complete tonight and it's 9:00 already, so my blogging marathon is getting shoved to the side for today. Stay tuned! PS. This still counts as a daily post. I'm up to 5 sentences now!!

Extreme Shopping

OK, here's a short (but hopefully entertaining) one. So I thought Costco opened at 9:00 on the weekends, but it actually doesn't open until 10:00. I pulled up at 9:45 and realized my error when I saw all the idling engines belonging to the vehicles driven by the SERIOUS Costco shoppers waiting in the parking lot. After about 10 minutes I went into the freezing vestibule where they store the carts. The place was stuffed with people standing around waiting for the roll-up metal door to open up already. A few minutes later, the metal door began to lift. Apparently someone has to crank it open by hand and it must be a pretty heavy door because it was not a smooth process. As soon as the guy got it open about 1/3 of the way, two or three ladies bolted right through. He yells "CAN EVERYONE PLEASE WAIT UNTIL I GET THE DOOR OPEN???" Everyone started laughing. I guess stealth vulture shoppers are not an everyday occurrence even at Costco, or else he probably would have made his announcement before the door opened wide enough for people to bust through. I wonder why those ladies were in such a rush. It's not like Costco doesn't have ginormous quantities of every single thing imaginable, except maybe at the end of the day or before a storm or big holiday. Anyways... kind of entertaining. Note to self: next time, do not arrive at Costco until 15 minutes after opening!

Why This Chinese Mother Thinks She is Superior, but is Just Like the Rest of Us More Than She Realizes

Rant alert! Rant alert! Not even sure where to begin on this one. I just about spit out my coffee when I came across this article in the Wall Street Journal this morning. Normally I don't touch that boring ass publication with a 10 foot pole, but I happened to notice a headline about it on my husband's copy as I was bringing it in from outside. WOW. Let me just tell you that I couldn't believe what I was reading. What really rubbed me the wrong way wasn't so much the author's parenting methodology, although I did find many of her practices to be disturbing and even diabolical. No sleepovers, playdates or acting in school plays (GOD FORBID), no playing any musical instrument except the piano or violin, and NO A-minuses or anything below that either, or else!! Gee, I'm glad I didn't grow up in her house. The author's frequent use of stereotypes and snarky jabs at "Western" parenting methods was annoying too, along with the general condescending tone of the piece. However, I was especially taken aback by the author's quote that "the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job."" Oh really? Let's analyze this. Sounds to me like a problem child is indicative of a problem parent in Chinese society, and vice versa, at least according to the author. Do I smell MOMMY COMPETITION here? My child is smarter than yours. My child played the piano at Carnegie Hall. My child did X, Y or Z, and it's all because of my robust, no-nonsense leadership qualities as a MOM. Sounds a lot like AMERICAN parents!! Come on, people. We all do it to some degree, although hopefully we aren't anywhere near as rabid or annoying as the woman who wrote this article. We all compare our children (and hence, our parenting) with other children and subconsciously measure them (and, hence, ourselves) up. It doesn't have to be about academics or music. It's just what we do as parents, whether we realize it or not. The reason this author became so incensed with the fact that her daughter couldn't play a piano piece is because she felt that the daughter's failure to master the song was reflective of her skills as a parent. Haven't we all been embarrassed by our children at one point or another? Haven't we all wondered if something "bad" they did or didn't do was a result of something WE did or didn't do? And haven't we felt like taking the credit when they did something good? Take a pill, lady. You're more "Western" than you think.

Dear Children: Don't Even Think About Dating Until I'm Dead

Haha, just kidding. But today my 10-year-old asked me "When would be an appropriate age to start having a boyfriend?" Really? You're 10!! Fortunately, my husband is away for his Navy Reserve duty this weekend, or he would be running out to Walmart to procure a shotgun from their hunting section. She claims that nobody has asked her to "go out" so I think she is just curious about my thoughts on the matter. I explained that there are different types of things that boyfriends and girlfriends can do together, and that these things may or may not be appropriate depending on the ages and maturity levels of the two people involved. I wrapped up my response by saying I didn't really have an answer without more information on the situation. "Mom, there is no situation, I was just asking," she replied. Good. Ask away, and I will answer. Excuse me while I go upstairs and pluck the 50 gray hairs I just grew.

Have You Ever Seen a Black Lady Singing Justin Bieber? Yeah, Me Either.

LOL! So earlier today, I found out that my kids' elementary school has been selected to participate in the Giant A+ Principal Challenge. The Challenge is a contest in which a principal can earn $1,000 (or more!) for his or her school by completing an embarrassing activity in front of a Giant Food Representative. The five schools with the most original and creative (and embarrassing?) proposals get to participate in the contest and win the coveted cash prize! For some reason, Giant picked our school's idea of having the principal (an African-American female) sing Justin Bieber's "Baby" with the (whiter than white) Assistant Principal performing backup as Ludacris during a school-wide assembly, all while wearing Giant-branded "bling" made of food boxes. Giant has no inkling of the multi-cultural aspect of this presentation, although they do know that "Justin Bieber" is a female. Local media outlets are being contacted to cover this event, which I find to be even more hilarious. Hey, $1,000 is $1,000, right? Meanwhile, I am the official bling-maker for the show. If anyone has ever made bling out of food boxes, I welcome your tips!! :)

What's the Point?

As I embark on day 5 of my blogging odyssey (only 360 days left - WOOT) I am starting to think that I ought to come up with a couple (or a few) central topics to address on here. I figure having a "point" has got to be better than just signing on here and talking about a bunch of random crap just to be getting my entries in. Then again, is anybody even reading this?? But still, I shall press onward with my goal of having a point. A couple of ideas I have so far are parenting/"mom-ing" and postpartum depression. I have plenty of experience with both, and I feel like I should be able to write meaningful and decent posts about these topics. And although this is pretty broad, I will of course be blogging about life in general, as well as other more specific topics if and when I think of them. Stay tuned! PS. I think I feel another big rant coming....

I've Been to the Gym Twice This Week!! Yay Me!!!

With the holidays, Caitlin's birthday, work and everything else, I haven't had a chance to work out as much as I would have liked to lately. The result: I actually lost weight over the holidays, but I know it was all muscle mass escaping my body and being replaced by flab. YUKKKK!!! It's funny how gross you feel when you don't exercise as frequently as you are accustomed. Sort of like that icky, dirty feeling you get when you haven't yet had your daily shower. I never exercised on a regular basis until I was almost 35, and now (2.5 years later) I appear to be somewhat hooked. And that's a good thing. :)

Today's Brain Dump

Not knowing what to talk about on day 3 of a 365-day blogging marathon isn't very awesome. Today was pretty busy and I haven't had time to think about anything very interesting. Oh, except I received a ConnectEd (broadcast) voicemail from the Principal of the new middle school opening in September, inviting all parents to an information session on February 1. Excuse me? An information session already? I don't know if I am ready for this middle school thing yet. The prospect of my kid entering middle school seems much more uncomfortable than the thought of her going to high school. Maybe that's because middle school sucks ass. At least I don't have to worry about it sucking worse ass for her than it did for me, because frankly, I don't think it would be humanly possible to achieve such a feat. I think I was the only mom on the planet who didn't cry or freak out when my kids started kindergarten. I guess now it's my turn to start getting all weird. This will definitely be an adventure, and I hope it's a good one!

Today's Message from the Breastfeeding Police Police

Yes, I wrote "police" twice. As in the police of the breastfeeding police. Allow me to explain. A couple of weeks ago I became pretty annoyed by this link on CNN. "Prison camp torture." A screaming baby with a swollen belly and frothy, bloody stool. A tub of baby formula that stared a mother down (her words) for days, because using baby formula equates to failure as a mom. Really? I seriously can't stand articles like this. Even though the author and the women featured in the piece are not directly bashing mothers who don't nurse, the subliminal message is pretty clear. One paragraph states "Reese was committed to nursing because of the significant health benefits to her baby: fewer cases of gastroenteritis and ear and upper respiratory infections, to name a few, and now a new study out of Australia shows some breast-fed babies do better academically later in life." As if moms, especially first-timers, don't have enough to do and think about without these statistics nagging at them. When I had my first daughter, I had a big desire to be a "rule-follower" when it came to breast-feeding. I thought I would breast-feed for a year and was delighted with my new baby's great latching technique. A couple of weeks later, I was appalled to discover that my milk had never really come in properly and that the baby was pretty much starving. A failure! I remember how horrified I felt when she sucked down a bottle of formula. I tried to pump my milk but not even the best Medela model would bring anything out. I felt sick, like the worst mother in the world. Of course, I knew that making sure your baby has enough to eat ranks pretty high up there on the Checklist of Parenting Essentials, but I felt guilty every day. Complete strangers would ask me, "Are you nursing?" Uhm, no, because I suck. I would be forced to come up with a lame response such as "No, my milk didn't come in" or tell the entire sordid tale and force the poor person to listen to every detail of my Breastfeeding Debacle, because "Why do you care" or "That's not really any of your business" just isn't very nice. With my second baby, I decided that things would be different. I had made peace with the fact that breast-feeding didn't work out with my first child, and I was pretty sure I knew what caused the issues and how I could overcome the "obstacles" this time around. First of all, I had developed severe postpartum depression, which didn't exactly help my milk production. Well, this time, I would be sure to have my trusty meds in my belly the minute the baby left it. Doctors had assured me that it was safe to nurse while on my medication (another whole blog entry in itself). Second, I hadn't hydrated enough, because I just don't get very thirsty and I hadn't been paying attention to my fluid intake. That's easy, I'll make myself drink water all day long. Finally, the hormonal problems and depression had caused me to gag on my food and completely lose my appetite. I'll make myself eat! I'll stuff myself with calories. I'll be one of those women whose milk squirts across the room the minute they remove their nursing bra! Uhm... not really. I didn't get postpartum depression with my second daughter, but my boobs still had a mind of their own. I never got engorged. With my first baby, I thought I was just lucky to not have engorgement, but this time I knew something still wasn't working properly. I drank eight glasses of water a day, and trust me, I hated it. I had to force myself to drink it, because I just wasn't thirsty. And I am not kidding you, I consumed TWENTY POUNDS OF PEANUT BUTTER in three months to get additional calories. And I STILL had to give bottles because I wasn't producing enough breast milk. After three months of supplementing my milk with formula, I had had enough. "I QUIT!!!!" I remember saying triumphantly. Hey, this kid got 2 1/2 months more milk than the last one, and I tried my darnedest. And I wasn't one whit guilty about quitting. Not even a hair. But according to this article, maybe I still hadn't tried hard enough. I know I did all I could, but articles like this still have the power to make moms feel bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that things worked out for these women. However, formula does not equal failure. My kids are not stupid, despite my feeding "choices." In fact, they are both doing very well in school and in life so far. My oldest daughter did not get an ear infection until she was 8, and my younger one (who received MORE breast milk) only had two very minor ones. Gastroenteritis? A few minor bouts, most likely due to day care germs, which don't really care what the baby is or isn't eating. Upper respiratory infections? They both got RSV and colds, just like most babies. This track record doesn't sound like failure to me. My point is that moms shouldn't be made to feel guilty, directly or indirectly, about their parenting choices, whether those choices concern breast vs. bottle, working vs. staying at home, attachment parenting/co-sleeping vs. not, or anything else. We know what is best for our children and our families, and for us as moms. Period. And I think my smart, healthy, ear-infectionless kids would agree.

A Blog Entry a Day Keeps the Doctor Away (actually, it probably just makes you fat)

OK, so I haven't posted on here in forever because I've been "too busy." You know the drill. Kids, work, life, etc. Well, I really like to write, and if there's something that you like to do, then you should try to find some time during the day to do it! Therefore, my New Year's Resolution is to post one blog entry a day during 2011. It seems like a more realistic goal than trying to cut down on carbs. Mmmmm..... rice..... Anyhow - don't be expecting these blog entries to sound even remotely like decent writing. To make this new deliverable more manageable, I have decided that entries such as "i'm too freaking busy to write anything and that's pretty much it" will suffice for the daily blog post, as long as I don't do it too often. Also, I am not going to post my brain vomit on Facebook every single day. I will provide links to the more interesting posts on Facebook, but if you really want to read along (seriously?) you can follow my blog. I am curious to see how long I can keep this up. Happy New Year!!