Today's Message from the Breastfeeding Police Police

Yes, I wrote "police" twice. As in the police of the breastfeeding police. Allow me to explain. A couple of weeks ago I became pretty annoyed by this link on CNN. "Prison camp torture." A screaming baby with a swollen belly and frothy, bloody stool. A tub of baby formula that stared a mother down (her words) for days, because using baby formula equates to failure as a mom. Really? I seriously can't stand articles like this. Even though the author and the women featured in the piece are not directly bashing mothers who don't nurse, the subliminal message is pretty clear. One paragraph states "Reese was committed to nursing because of the significant health benefits to her baby: fewer cases of gastroenteritis and ear and upper respiratory infections, to name a few, and now a new study out of Australia shows some breast-fed babies do better academically later in life." As if moms, especially first-timers, don't have enough to do and think about without these statistics nagging at them. When I had my first daughter, I had a big desire to be a "rule-follower" when it came to breast-feeding. I thought I would breast-feed for a year and was delighted with my new baby's great latching technique. A couple of weeks later, I was appalled to discover that my milk had never really come in properly and that the baby was pretty much starving. A failure! I remember how horrified I felt when she sucked down a bottle of formula. I tried to pump my milk but not even the best Medela model would bring anything out. I felt sick, like the worst mother in the world. Of course, I knew that making sure your baby has enough to eat ranks pretty high up there on the Checklist of Parenting Essentials, but I felt guilty every day. Complete strangers would ask me, "Are you nursing?" Uhm, no, because I suck. I would be forced to come up with a lame response such as "No, my milk didn't come in" or tell the entire sordid tale and force the poor person to listen to every detail of my Breastfeeding Debacle, because "Why do you care" or "That's not really any of your business" just isn't very nice. With my second baby, I decided that things would be different. I had made peace with the fact that breast-feeding didn't work out with my first child, and I was pretty sure I knew what caused the issues and how I could overcome the "obstacles" this time around. First of all, I had developed severe postpartum depression, which didn't exactly help my milk production. Well, this time, I would be sure to have my trusty meds in my belly the minute the baby left it. Doctors had assured me that it was safe to nurse while on my medication (another whole blog entry in itself). Second, I hadn't hydrated enough, because I just don't get very thirsty and I hadn't been paying attention to my fluid intake. That's easy, I'll make myself drink water all day long. Finally, the hormonal problems and depression had caused me to gag on my food and completely lose my appetite. I'll make myself eat! I'll stuff myself with calories. I'll be one of those women whose milk squirts across the room the minute they remove their nursing bra! Uhm... not really. I didn't get postpartum depression with my second daughter, but my boobs still had a mind of their own. I never got engorged. With my first baby, I thought I was just lucky to not have engorgement, but this time I knew something still wasn't working properly. I drank eight glasses of water a day, and trust me, I hated it. I had to force myself to drink it, because I just wasn't thirsty. And I am not kidding you, I consumed TWENTY POUNDS OF PEANUT BUTTER in three months to get additional calories. And I STILL had to give bottles because I wasn't producing enough breast milk. After three months of supplementing my milk with formula, I had had enough. "I QUIT!!!!" I remember saying triumphantly. Hey, this kid got 2 1/2 months more milk than the last one, and I tried my darnedest. And I wasn't one whit guilty about quitting. Not even a hair. But according to this article, maybe I still hadn't tried hard enough. I know I did all I could, but articles like this still have the power to make moms feel bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that things worked out for these women. However, formula does not equal failure. My kids are not stupid, despite my feeding "choices." In fact, they are both doing very well in school and in life so far. My oldest daughter did not get an ear infection until she was 8, and my younger one (who received MORE breast milk) only had two very minor ones. Gastroenteritis? A few minor bouts, most likely due to day care germs, which don't really care what the baby is or isn't eating. Upper respiratory infections? They both got RSV and colds, just like most babies. This track record doesn't sound like failure to me. My point is that moms shouldn't be made to feel guilty, directly or indirectly, about their parenting choices, whether those choices concern breast vs. bottle, working vs. staying at home, attachment parenting/co-sleeping vs. not, or anything else. We know what is best for our children and our families, and for us as moms. Period. And I think my smart, healthy, ear-infectionless kids would agree.