25 Years Ago, I Was Middle School Royalty!!!! NOT

If you're like me and you tend to have epiphanies in the shower, you'll know what it feels like to be shaving the ol' pits and suddenly go "HOLY CRAP!!" That's what happened to me today. Don't even ask why I started thinking about this, least of all in the shower, because it hasn't crossed my mind in years. It occurred to me that 25 years ago this month, I was part of the Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Junior High School Valentine Court. You know, The Valentine Court?? As in where the kids nominate the most attractive and popular students to represent the school at the Valentine Dance, and the two Most Popular Seventh Graders will be crowned the Valentine Prince and Princess!

I was nominated as a joke. And I'm not joking.

Yes, I was quite the piece of work in elementary school and middle school. Hideous clothes, Steve Urkel glasses and a personality in need of some serious fine-tuning. I had no idea how to communicate with others, and the kids were somehow able to sniff out my inner dorkiness from a mile away. I had held the unofficial title of Classroom Nerd for the last two years, but even greater honors awaited in the wasteland that was middle school.

One morning, my homeroom (PE = Nerd Hell) teacher asked us to nominate students for the Valentine Court. A girl yelled, "I pick Rebekah!" Giggles and whispering ensued. Then everyone started egging me on. "Yeah. Rebekah, you should do it! Come on!" It seemed like they actually WANTED me to do it, so I said sure. I didn't, or couldn't, see it for what it was. I was time for me to get my 15 minutes.

Over the next few weeks, I got all kinds of attention from The Popular Girls. A few of them stopped me in the lunch room to ask what kind of dress I was going to wear to the Valentine Dance. The garment of choice was a blue Yves St. Laurent (!!!) dress that looked like a satin balloon valance exploded and landed on me. I thought it was beautiful. The Popular Girls smiled and nodded as I described my wonderful gown. Everyone was overly nice to me in the days leading up to the Big Event. A few people tried to tell me I was being played, but I didn't want to believe them even though I must have known they were being honest. A guidance counselor pulled me out of class and asked if I really wanted to be on the Court, and I said that I did. I'm not sure why the administration didn't just put a stop to it.

After school on the day of the Valentine Dance, I remember applying makeup in the girls' bathroom next to one of the legitimate members of the Court, the daughter of a NFL Football Player. "Don't put on too much of that," she said in a syrupy voice. I remember going out on stage as the Court members were called. The applause was really loud, kind of like in the movie Carrie, except unfortunately for me I don't have any telekinetic powers. Thankfully, nobody dumped a bucket of pig blood on me either, so I guess I shouldn't complain. There was also a boy who had been nominated to the Court as a joke, and he was up there on the stage too. Apparently he did not have any telekinetic powers either. Of course, that boy and I won last place, probably with zero votes. A pretty blonde 8th grader won Valentine Queen and a Korean 7th grader was crowned the Valentine Princess. That's all I remember of the Valentine Dance.

Of course, the next day, the bullying escalated to new and previously unseen levels. Kids went out of their way to torment me for my stupidity. I was yelled at out of the school bus window, kids pointed at me and laughed in the hallways, and my only friend told me that she wasn't going to speak to me in the school building anymore because it was too embarrassing and she didn't want to be seen with me. I was twelve years old, and this event basically dominated my life for the next ten years. I didn't have any good friends until I graduated from high school. I desperately wanted my parents to move so I could attend a different school, but moving wasn't going to happen and besides, I was so socially inept that I probably wouldn't have done any better at a different middle school or high school. Even through college, I always assumed everyone hated me and didn't care to be my friend. I generally didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, partly because I just didn't relate to the other kids, and partly because of the incessant bullying I had dealt with. There is much more to this story, but I don't want to go there right now.

Anyway - once I got married and had kids, I found other things to think about besides my general worthlessness. In fact, having my own family helped me to establish a sense of self-regard that had been buried up until that point. These days, I have friends. I make people laugh. I'm good at my job and I hope I'm a good mom too. My kids don't appear to be headed down the same path I traveled, and for that, I'm thankful. My older daughter is headed to middle school next fall, and I'm watching like a hawk. Because the only thing I can imagine being worse than complete ostracism is watching it happen to your child.